I Suspect My Spouse is Cheating - 5 Things You Should Do Next
For people who suspect that their spouse may be cheating on them, it can be a common and yet very painful practice to run imagined images of their cheating spouse through their minds. It is so tempting to imagine one's spouse involved in a torrid love affair with an attractive "other" man or woman whose very existence threatens your relationship.
While it can feel like self-torture, the act of imagining your spouse involved in an infidelity type of situation is actually quite natural. After all, when the facts that we have to go on about a possible affair are few and far between, the most natural thing in the world to do is to try to imagine what must be going on. But, it is even better to know the truth.
If you are saying to yourself, "I suspect my spouse is cheating," here are 5 things you should do next:
1. Find out what it really going on:
If you suspect your spouse is cheating, he or she probably is. Even if they are not involved in an actual affair, they very well may be involved in what is known as an emotional affair with another person. Or, they just may be unhappy with your marriage and occasionally put themselves in situations that could look like an affair from the outside.
The best way to find out is to ask your spouse if anything is going on. Of course, whether or not there is something going on, your spouse will likely deny the possibility. That's okay: what you are looking for is HOW they react to what you say. If they act genuinely hurt and upset, you may have gotten things totally wrong. However, if they try to change the subject or brush it off, an affair is likely.
2. Get them to admit that there is a problem:
If you do believe there is an affair going on, the next thing to do is to get your husband or wife to confess to it. You may not ever get them to actually say they are cheating on you, but if you continue with the right kinds of questions, you are likely to unearth any of the inappropriate behaviors he or she is engaged in. It is important to get their admission that something not healthy for your relationship is going on.
3. Make sure you define cheating in the broadest-possible sense:
Remember, even if your spouse has not actually had sex with another person, they may still be involved in an emotional affair. So, make sure that when you talk to your spouse you define the term broadly enough so that they do not get defensive and clam up. The goal should be to keep them talking.
4. Decide whether you can commit to healing the relationship:
If you do get your spouse to admit that an affair of some sort is going on, you will probably be very angry, sad, hurt, or all of the above. Those feelings are totally natural. And yet, at this point, you need to keep your emotions in check. Right now, you need to decide in your heart whether you can commit to healing the problems that caused the infidelity or not.
5. Decide whether getting counseling makes sense:
If you and your spouse do decide to work on your problems together, consider going to a professional counselor. Also, do your research to find advice that can help you survive your affair and get back to a health place in your lives again.
Do these 5 things if you suspect that your spouse is cheating on you.
"I Suspect My Spouse is Cheating - 5 Things You Should Do Next", was submitted 11/29/2011 under category Cheating.
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